Well, here I am again, writing this on 11th December, 12:51 AM. It’s been around forty days since that October chapter, and honestly, I probably should’ve written something for November too, but life had other plans. A lot of things happened and I had to lock in for a while, just so I could survive and make my life a little easier.
November didn’t give much room to sit and overthink like October did. Instead of drowning in feelings, I had to focus on moving, working, meeting people, and actually living a bit. It felt less like a sad movie and more like that recovery montage where the main character quietly fixes their life in the background. I got busy chasing progress, fixing routines, and trying to make sure future me has it a bit easier than past me. It wasn’t perfect, but it was real.
November came in lighter. It actually felt fun. After an October packed with sadness, November pulled a full 180. I accomplished a lot, bought a lot of stuff, met new people, and reconnected with old ones. I went to a bunch of events and met so many smart people who gave me one-on-one advice. That made me more humble than ever. It hit me that there are so many people out there who can bear with their sadness, fight their laziness and pain just to reach a higher level. And suddenly, all the October events felt like a speck of dust on my shirt. Just something you brush off and keep walking.
My routines stayed mostly the same, but with a bit more confidence. I kept working out, and now my arms are actually bigger. Triceps, biceps, forearms(you could say im buffed now LOL im jk...unless.. but im not THAT that buffed yet). People started noticing and pointing it out, and not gonna lie, that made me happy. I kind of forgot why I started going to the gym in the first place. Maybe it was because of heartbreak, maybe not. But hey, it’s for a better version of me, and I’m not complaining. I did more campus stuff, and I paused trading for a bit to stabilize my mental health. Instead of stacking profits, I decided to spend money, which made my expenses go wild in November and December. But every swipe, every checkout, somehow made me happy, so… worth it.
About my grandpa, the grief didn’t hit harder. It just went quiet. Sometimes I think about him and I miss him, but it doesn’t crash into me like a wave. It’s more like a soft echo in the background. I just really hope he’s doing better up there, more happy, more healthy, finally resting in a place that’s kinder than here.
December Starts
Now onto December, still the 11th, but so many things have already happened, it’s enough to fill pages. Since the first day, it’s been packed. I finally met up with one of my online best friends since 2016, Adrian Yu. Crazy how we’ve been talking, laughing, sharing everything for almost 10 years and never met IRL until now, but it still felt exactly the same. No awkwardness at all—I usually go well with anyone in person anyway. I like to talk, I like to communicate, I like to have fun. We met at Google Developer Fest, and it was straight vibes.
The next day, we met up again with my other close friends, Tandik and Brandon, at a cafe. We talked, reminisced about going from online randos to basically best friends in real life. And then suddenly the talk shifted to wanting to hike a mountain??? LMAO. It was kinda random and rushed, because it was literally on the 6th and 7th of December—a week after the meetup. Lowkey surprised because the other friends we invited actually said yes and wanted to join. So yeah, we hiked.
OH! I forgot to mention—in November I bought a new phone, so now I have 3 phones: an Android and an Iphone. Why do I need so many if you ask? I don’t know myself. I didn’t really need a new one to be honest, but the guy was selling it cheap asf—like 90 bucks (1.5 mil rupiah) for a basically new iPhone. If I passed on that, I’d regret it forever, so yeah, I bought it. BUT after using it for less than 2 weeks, it died. Not because of bad condition, but I changed the battery at a service place, and 3 days later it shorted out. WTF? Had to go claim warranty, which meant no good camera for mountain pics. But it’s fine—I just borrowed my friend’s.
When we hiked, it felt so much fun. When we reached the campsite, we all talked, shared stories, had laughs—honestly, this is one of the best groups I’ve ever had. No drama, no nothing. Just straight friendship. During the hike, there was no signal, no connection, so I couldn’t check messages or text family. We were basically cavemen for 2 days.
Her texting again
When we went down from the mountain and signal picked back up, I opened my phone and checked the messages. And guess what—homegirl texted me. I was kinda surprised because I thought she wanted to end it all, no more texting based on how we last talked. She texted because of a Discord Wrapped thingy. I’m not gonna go into details, but after that, a lot of misunderstandings turned into understanding. She wanted to call, I said yes. From there, I apologized, she apologized, cleared everything up. I’m not gonna lie, I really thought our story, our chapter, was done. Apparently not? We’ll see. But I’ve never even had thoughts of hating her—I’m actually grateful. She’s the one who pushed me forward. SHE was my motivation for all the things I’m doing right now. So hearing her say “do you hate me” just felt wrong. Well, it’s my bad too. I was childish enough to badmouth her, and I felt bad. From that, I realized I’m not suited to be a bad-hearted person, mind you, I felt uneasy the entire day. So I had to apologize, edited the rambling back to normal, and added more apology paragraphs.
Birthday and Plans
It’s still the 11th, there’s still a lot to do this month. Like on the 17th, it’s my 21st birthday. It’s just a birthday, but if I could pull something off like treating friends, it’ll be so much more fun (well, I could, but I don’t think it’s a wise choice right now. hehe). And there’s Christmas holiday, I’m planning to go to either Jakarta or back to Palembang to see family for like 5 days, then come back. Can’t go away too long because I have work now.
Okay, I think that’s it for this recap. I promise I won’t be lazy and finish the other ramblings if I have time. I hope anyone reading can understand what I typed. I hope you guys have good health. Alright, thank you.